Bittersweet Memories [ Open ]

[sharak]

S h a r a k
"Don't let me want to give up.."

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;;From within ;; [/i]

It was late morning when I rose with a start, my temperature found to be uncomfortably high, and my breath skittish. I'd just woken from another nightmare; or rather a memory. Not just any memory, however, it was of the day that Ahleon died. How I saw him plummet through the skies with a limp neck only to come crashing down upon the loam with a sickening thump and crack. I remembered it as if it were yesterday, and now that I was awake, the same agonized tears that had fled my eyes then, coursed my cheeks once more at the memory of seeing the handsome black jaguar laying so still and silent upon the loam as I'd rushed to his side.

I sniffled bitterly, my fingertips curling into a fist as I swept the salt from the rim of my eye, and looked beside me. And like so many times before, I saw that it wasn't just a nightmare that I could roll over and snuggled into his presence before falling back to sleep to... No, it was a cruel reality. My beloved had died at the hands of another and I was never going to get him back. Pain swirled through my throat that constricted harshly as I willed myself not to let out any whimper, so as to give off my location; something he'd taught me - pure stealth no matter where I was - and I sat silent for a long while just gazing down upon the ground to my left,my fingertips brushing it tenderly as if to touch a ghost.

I wished so badly within my heart that in looking to my side, I'd have seen him there, but I knew that no matter how badly I wished, my dream of being reunited with him would never come true. He'd left me in this world too soon, leaving me to face its obstacles alone. I tilted my head back and gazed up into the canopy of the oasis, seeing how the light filtered through the thick tree tops to leave shadows and speckles and beams of light upon the forest flooring, and in all honesty, I couldn't say I saw any beauty in it.

I used to see such beauty wherever I was, and wake with the wonder of a child as well as the cozy comfort that only came from having one's beloved beside them; security. But now alone, it felt as if all the lights in the world had been turned out, the beauty and colour of it all turned to grey. It's safe to say that I was absolutely miserable. But in my misery, some could say that I gained my strength as well. My smile would never be the same, nor would my personality ever be as sweet, for the death of my beloved had restored me to what I had been before I'd met him. The lost and cold-hearted loner without a care in the world. I suffered now in life and knew that only when my life was taken, could I finally be set free of these miserable binds that held me to earth. In death I'd be freed and able to reunite with my beloved on the other side...But until the day I died, the memory of him would always linger within me.

For a moment I looked about myself, eventually calming myself to a semi-serene and collected state as I listened to all that surrounded me with an attentive ear. Satisfied that I was alone, with only the audience of the birds within the canopy or perhaps even a snake or insect, I rose to my limbs slowly and dusted myself off of the fallen leaves that had adorned my bare flesh. Sometime during the night, I'd shattered out of my wolfen form and returned to my human state, something I'd found to be a new occurrence when Ahleon had passed away. I still slept in the same spot in which he and I had always bedded down at night, unable to move on or abandon what I'd known as my place of peace, but now woke in human form more and more frequently as if I could no longer hold my wolf form.

In all honesty it disturbed me, for I knew the way in which the world functioned and that in being human, sleeping alone at night in this oasis that had been my home, I was then made vulnerable to other creatures that may prowl. Sure, my instincts kept me on guard most of the time, but what would happen when I was unable to wake from one of my vivid nightmares like I'd had last night? I'd be completely vulnerable and it would most likely cost me my life. Thinking back on it, I kind of tilted my head at the thought, then rolling my shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. At least I'd make someone a hearty meal while being set free.

I rolled my shoulders a little, finding stiffness within them and eventually glanced to the bushes to my right, knowing that within them was a bundle of clothes. Taking up my clothes and eventually getting dressed, I wandered free of my sleeping spot reluctantly in favor of water and a bite to eat. I wandered down to the water and sat at its edge for a moment, simply staring into its pools for a long while before I dipped my hand within to soothe my throat, but once finished drinking, found that I was no longer hungry. Come to think of it, even if I had been hungry, I don't think I'd have eaten anyways. When it came to my meals as of recent, I'd cut down dramatically and the painful pangs my stomach gave me, no longer bothered me. It was seen as more annoying than important to me, and so with that my weight and build deteriorated.

One thing about me that I absolutely hated that most shifters probably didn't, was that somewhere within me was still a human. I hated looking upon myself in anything,or even looking upon my own skin,and so after having shed my clothing and stashed it where I'd remember it, I allowed myself to shift again into the form that I felt safest and most satisfied in. The form of a wolf.

Hair that had once bore curls within it, now shortened and smoothed to a long and glossy pelt of black that cascaded over every inch of me, and my eyes that had once been a dark and deep brown, now melted into the color of a piercing silver. My bones shrank and cracked, snapped and slithered, reforming beneath flesh that split and reformed in the blink of an eye, ending in a completely different bone and muscle structure than it had been before. I was no longer human, but wolf.

;; From the world's view. ;; [/i]

Rising back to their paws from the limp figure that had once adorned the forest floor, the wolf's ears swiveled about into a forward perk and they stood as if dazed for a moment. Changing from human to wolf had always taken a moment of silence for her to adjust to, for her wolfen eyes were set up differently from her human ones and so to move without being able to see, would leave her simply staggering about like a drunken fool if she wasn't careful. She'd experienced this before, sadly.

Adjusted, she dipped her thorax only faintly as her stance widened, her body then caught in a thrash as she allowed the obsidian toned tendrils of her coat to lash and dance about her canvas violently while she shook, ridding her flesh of the last tingles of the change. Righting her posture her tall ears swept forth once more after having rotated about a little, and after rolling back on her haunches and pivoted towards the water, she was seen then casually prowling alongside the bank. She wasn't sure what she was going to do, but exploration, aimless wanderings, and food would probably have something to do with it.

"Keep holding my hand so we don't get separated..."

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word count:1,431
Character: Sharak
Inviting: Anyone
Mood: Meh'....
Muse: Unpredictable.
Theme Song: Running - Blue & Hige [/size]